The first fews weeks of college weren't AWFUL, persay. However, they were filled with alot of loneliness and a rather bleak "What now?" Menality. I grew up in a big family, and I have a twin sister named Mackenzie whom I loved very much. Most of them made the tript to Ole Miss with me, in a car packed full of all of my belongings and clothes. At first, I was rather excited. I finally got to escape the long dreary summer of working at Domino's Pizza. I mean, who WOULDN'T be happy? I'll write about Domino's later.
Anyways, when first pulling onto campus, I realized I had no idea where anything was or what I was supposed to be doing. With some well placed luck, we pulled into the Guess dorm parking lot. The dorm itself is an L shape. I wandered inside first as my family unloaded the car and signed the key slip. My dad and I were the first to find my room. My rommate wasn't moving in for a few days, so I'd have the room all to myself. My family helped me unpack, my mom and twin sister decorated the room with blue, brown, and green butterflies, and I spread my nice new comforter atop my twin sized bed. There was alot of laughter that day. My three year old niece trying hide in all of the hiding places around the room. She kept giggling and saying,"Come find me, Malmal!" I did. Then she would just laugh harder and try and find somewhere even more magical and secretive to hide. After we unpacked, half of my family left. My older sister Shelby cried hard onto my shoulder. I was the youngest and had never strived to be the most independent. Maybe, they were worried I wouldn't be able to take care of myself. I don't know. I knew I was going to miss them terribly. My dad left with them, but he has always been a man of fewer words than my mother. He and I, we just looked at each other. He smiled a sad smile, his little girl was all grown up. He held open his arms to me, and I stepped into them to recieve a last hug, his main way of conveying his emotion to me.
I was left alone with my mom and my twin sister Mackenzie. Before now, we'd never been apart for more than a week. I was gripped harshly with nostalgia. I insisted they come with me to get my books from the bookstore. We struggled to find it, and got lost on the way back to the dorm. I was glad for all of our confusion. It gave me more time with them and delayed the inevitable. However, once we reached the dorm, it was time for goodbyes. I didn't know what to say. My sister was my best friend. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears when she hugged me. My mother held her composure, always the strong one. She gave me instructions, or..more like advice. All too soon, they climbed into the car in the parking lot and drove away.
For a long time, I stood frozen in the same spot on that hot concrete. Shuddering and choking on my own tears. I was paralyzed with fear. I mean, it had just occured to me I had no idea what I was doing, and now I was completely alone. The next few weeks passed rather slowly, with me spending most of my days alone in my room. I didn't even study! Classes went decently, I suppose. But I'd always been smart enough in high school to not need to overexert myself, I thought I would not have to here. To an extent I didn't.
I didn't make friends really unil I started going to clubs. My ex boyfriend, Charlie, took me with him to the ninjutsu where I met a rather sadistic but happy sophomore who was our teacher. Before any of you people start judging, ninjutsu is a real martial art. It is based most upon using the strength of your enemy against them, as well as taking down your opponent with the least effort possible. I learned just the right places to snap bones and I sparred with other students as well as Sarah. I did not do as badly as I thought I would. Sparring just involves a mental state, a 'killer instinct' I have not yet quite managed to master. I got punched in the face, kicked in the ribs, thrown to the ground, and choked. As odd as it sounds, I LOVED it. It took a raw physical energy and let me finally release the pent up emotions I had been feeling since coming here. It was so damn frustrating! Sarah was accepting and so was everyone else.
I made most of my friends by accident. I even met Cookie by accident. One day, about two after school started, I went into the Ole Miss bookstore for a frappucino. (YUUUuummmm...) While standing in line, I noticed a tall guy behind me with glasses and a decent amount of facial hair. We ended up talking and he introduced himself to me as Morgan. I told him my name, and we seemed to hit it off, having much of the same interests. He told me he'd been going to a club which met on wednesdays at 7 called the Ole Miss gamers society. (OMGA!) I was skeptical, and Morgan pointed out the OMGA president sitting at one of the tables in the bookstore cafe. (He's REALLY short.) The guy's name was Bob...just..Bob. I still don't know his last name. Anyways, Morgan begged me to come, and I reluctantly agreed. In my eyes, I just saw a bunch of nerds sitting in a basement with a tv and a video game console, possible some board games thrown in. While, gamers DO play video games..they're are actually alot more wild than we think they are.
I walked into the massive union lobby, unaware that certain things in my life were about to be put in motion. They would change who I was at the core of my being, and push me towards the future.
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